My Big Fat Practical Wedding

Over the past few weeks I’ve been pondering the best way to introduce wedding topics into my blog. I’ve even gotten a few posts partially written, before deciding not to post them. None of them seemed quite right.

Then, this weekend, I attended the Boston session of the APW book club. I met all these smart women whose posts I’ve been reading since I discovered the Practical Wedding website last fall, and I felt such a sense of community with them that it made me think about the ways I’ve changed since September, and how APW has been a part of that.

I never spent any time dreaming about my wedding when I was younger. Really not much at all until I got engaged. I used to think that meant I wasn’t the “kind of girl” who cared about weddings, and I secretly also thought that made me tougher and cooler than the girls who did. But now I’m forced to admit that I never was or wasn’t any particular kind of girl, because I truly am excited about my wedding and I love the fuss of being engaged. It’s taken me a while to get to this good place.

I think below my indifference there was a deep-seated fear of stirring up all the things that weddings involve. What do we talk about when we talk about weddings? Love and companionship of course, but also women’s rights, feelings about our parents, fears about money, and the realities of growing old. To plan a wedding is to assess a life; past, present and future. All the rituals, costs, and people involved means if there’s a sore spot anywhere in your life, the wedding is going to hit on it. Making a guest list forced me to take a hard look at some friendships that had drifted. And it was hard, though ultimately freeing, to admit that my Dad and I don’t have a walk-me-down-the-aisle, father/daughter dance relationship. Sometimes wedding planning is about making choices I don’t want to make, and facing truths I don’t want to look at.

It was wonderful on Saturday to talk to other women who’ve been through, or are currently going through, the same things as I am. I hope to be more involved in that community as time goes by.

Obsessions

Today on Facebook I noticed a friend had listed one of my favorite books, The Fortress of Solitude, as one of his favorite books, so I clicked the link to read the page for the book. Reading the synopsis made me think, again, about my obsessive love for Jonathan Lethem, and then I noticed the link to his name at the bottom of the page and it occurred to me that he’s a real person, who probably has a real Facebook page and it’s deeply creepy that I think I have a connection with him just because I read his book.

But literature is like that. The experience of reading a novel is so intimate. I bring books to bed and to the breakfast table, use them to escape a crowded train or dreary break room. When I’m in the middle of a good book I spend more time with it than I do with any real person in my life. Even when I’m with someone else, I’m often thinking of the book. What is that, if not obsession? The best books are like one night stands that leave your head spinning. It all feels so personal and real, it seems bizarre that the author never knows about your connection. The real embarrassment is knowing that all the other people you see on the train later reading the book are having the same intimate encounter you had, and there’s not a trace of you left in the book. Spooky.

It was easier to keep the romance of the book alive before all the authors started showing up on the internet. Several decades ago we didn’t have the opportunity to tweet an author kudos on a great plot twist and get a response before we’d reached the book’s third act. There was no chance to read an author’s blog and discover that a novel’s dashing hero was named after the author’s childhood pet. Disappointing! When I first fell in love with reading, every book was proof that somewhere out there was someone who understood me much more deeply than the real people I knew. Authors were soulful, hyper intelligent beings who would swoop me up into their milieu as soon as they read the books I would write. Writing my own book was the only route I had in the days before the internet. Now – the horror – if you want to talk to an author you just email/instant message/tweet/facebook them.

Granted, I benefit from that accessibility. It’s wonderful to know the mundane details of writers’ habits; how many hours each day are spent at the computer, what candies make the best fuel, the prime hours for rewrites. But, I can’t get over that creepy feeling of intimacy. I hand an author a book to sign at a bookstore reading and want to ask “don’t you remember me? That weekend in February when I was snowed in with your book and ate nothing but saltines so I wouldn’t have to put it down?” How couldn’t she remember being there? Or I turn the last page on a book and turn immediately to the author’s twitter looking for some mention of myself. Could he already have forgotten me?

It’s a funny contradiction, but for some authors I’m just too close to ever risk speaking with them. I couldn’t handle the rejection of knowing the greatest loves of my life don’t remember me.

Libraries I Love

Today I’m camped out at the Concord Free Public Library’s Reference Room to get a little writing done. When the weather is nasty, or even sometimes when it’s nice, the library is a wonderful destination for getting out of the house to enjoy a day of introvert fun without having to spend any money.

The Boston area is blessed with some of the best libraries for hanging out. What makes a library great for spending time in is a mix of feng shui and practicality. The most important factor is at least one open room filled with plenty of tables and chairs. Great lighting, including a mixture of natural and indoor, is essential, as is free wifi or at least a strong cell phone signal. I like a variety of seating options, though I almost always opt to sit in a straight back chair at a long wood table with lamps, if that’s available. The next important factor is the quality of the distraction space. I like to get up and take a walk every half hour or 45 minutes to find inspiration for whatever I’m working on. I like a library that’s always putting interesting books in my path. I’ll never understand why, but there are some libraries I can walk into with no particular book in mind and walk out of with a whole stack of exciting discoveries, while at other libraries I can’t find anything unless I come in with a list.

So here are a few of the libraries I’ve spent time in, and what makes them special:

Concord Free Library: This library has a great range of study spaces, form the quiet Reference Room with its high windows, chandeliers and bankers’ office furniture, to inviting sitting chairs in hidden nooks. The heart-stoppingly lovely room that houses the fiction section is a mahogany room with a fireplace and a second story wrap-around walkway protected by filigree iron handrails. In architecture, it is the platonic ideal of a library; each room is tailored to the contents of that room. The children’s room is full of inviting furniture for kids to play on and the lighting is bright and inviting, the reference room has big tables to spread out your work and crucial electric outlets for laptops, the fiction section has all the romance you hope to find between the covers of the books. My only complaints would be that beyond these rooms it gets a little dull, and the library isn’t easily accessible by public transit from where I live.

Cary Memorial Library (Lexington): The Cary Memorial Library’s writing space beats out Concord by doing everything just a little bit better. The room I like to write in has more tables, more windows, and the walls are lined with periodicals rather than encyclopedias and dictionaries. Magazines are reference materials for fiction writing, as much as dictionaries are for nonfiction, so when I take a break at the Cary library I can usually find fresh inspiration without even needing to leave the room. This is a big benefit because I would never leave my laptop unattended, and at most libraries taking a break means I have to pack everything up and carry it with me (and risk losing my seat!). The downside of the Cary Memorial Library is that they’ve stuffed the fiction section in a bleak little room in the basement. Why, why, why, why, why? It’s the equivalent of storing food in the chicken wire box on the floor. Nothing’s going to look appetizing that way. I find it impossible to check out fiction books there.

Cambridge Public Library (Main Branch): I once heard that the goal of the redesign of the Cambridge Public Library’s main branch was to emulate a bookstore, and they absolutely accomplished it. The airy, open layout and prominently displayed new release books mean if I go in looking for one book, I will walk out with ten. The library’s old section (as opposed to the new addition built on a few years ago) has a gorgeous Richardsonian study room so beautiful I could live there. Unfortunately, the study room is not very well lit, and like in Lexington, the regular fiction section is in the basement.

Robbins Library (Arlington): I think highly enough of this library that we’re getting married there next August. It has a beautiful reading room, and a well-lit fiction section. The only problem with this library is a problem that much of Arlington’s businesses suffer; there are simply too many people in town looking for somewhere to sit for 5 hours without having to buy anything. Every coffee shop in town is perpetually full. Walk into Starbucks, Jam’n Java, Quebrada or the library and you will see knitting groups, book clubs, parenting groups, nanowrimo-ers, and online daters. There are just too darn many of us! And don't even get me started on the subject of restaurants on Saturday night.

Brookline Public Library (Coolidge Corner Branch): I have a book of essays by Brookline authors titled “The Fruitful Branch” and that’s just what this library is. The layout is similar to the library I used to go to in Michigan; it’s not large and doesn’t have a lot of seating or study space, but for some reason it’s really easy to find a good book to read by browsing here. It occurs to me at this point that I haven’t been giving proper credit to the librarians of these libraries for their part in the collections, but a lot of times it really is about the architecture. If I’m looking through a fiction collection under fluorescent lights in an underground lair, I’m not going to find anything no matter how good the selection. However, the Coolidge Corner library’s architecture doesn’t get in the way of the collection, and the library has a great collection. Be forewarned, there really isn’t that much space at this library for setting up your workspace, and Coolidge Corner, like Arlington is full of coffee shop squatters, so you can’t count on finding space at a nearby Starbucks or Peets either.

Boston Public Library (Main Branch): What can I say? It’s the Boston Public library! Great place to find books, great place to write books. It even has a secret garden with a restaurant in the middle. I will say it can be a little drab in the winter, though.

So that’s my list of great local libraries. Now I think I’ve earned a break to take another look at the fiction room…

I'm Back!

Obviously, it’s been a while since I updated this blog, and a lot has changed in that time.

In September I made some big decisions that altered the course of the rest of my 2010. The first change, maybe the biggest, was that I became engaged to my long-term boyfriend. We’re in the midst of planning the wedding now, and I’ll definitely blog a bit about that process, and link to some of my favorite new blogs I’ve discovered.

The second big change was that I decided not to apply for any mfa programs for Fall 2011. Even though I made some great strides in my writing in 2010, I knew by September that I didn’t have enough finished stories to put together a strong writing sample, and I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to pull together the money to apply again next year if I didn’t get in this year. (I’ve blogged before about the prohibitively expensive application process.) So, now I’m looking to apply at the end of 2011, for Fall 2012.

In my first post on this blog I said that my goal was to create a writing life for myself, and that continues. For the first few months after the engagement I gave into the temptation to plan, plan, plan ... and I didn’t get much writing done. But, it’s a new year and I’m back on track now with my daily morning pages, blogging (I swear!), and maybe even a story or two. Stay tuned.

Five Books I Recommend

This Tuesday will be the final session of my current Grub Street Fiction class, and the instructor has given us a fun final assignment to bring in – a list of five books we recommend, along with a short sentence or two describing what we can learn from the book. I thought I’d share mine here, as well.

In picking these five books, I tried not to recommend the most obvious (John Gardner or On Writing Well, etc). I wanted a mix of non-fiction with fiction, with different strengths to each book.



1. Making a Literary Life, Carolyn See
Making a Literary Life is a cheerful guide with practical advice on every part of the writing profession from crafting a scene to promoting your published book. There’s no way you can read this book and not pick up at least one great tip.


2. The Anatomy of Story, John Truby
On the flip side of the coin, The Anatomy of Story is a dense exploration of the components of satisfying plots and character arcs. Be forewarned that the book draws from a wide range of books and movies for its examples.


3. The Feast of Love, Charles Baxter
I’m not a “beautiful sentences” person, but I love this book for its beautiful sentences. It’s nice to have Charles Baxter in your head for a while.


4. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
If there’s one thing to learn from Suzanne Collins, it’s courage. She puts her characters in danger on every page and doesn’t pull a punch. The tension in this book is insane.


5. Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides
My favorite book by my favorite author. It’s everything.



What five books would you recommend?

What does it Cost to Apply to MFA Programs?

Budgeting. How I hate it.

This week I’m taking a look at my expenses and setting up a budget for the rest of the year. My goal is to cut back on my spending enough to get through application time without having incurred credit card debt. One of the benefits of taking a whole year to work through the application process is that I’ve been able to spread out the costs across many paychecks, but even still it’s too expensive a process to get through without some penny pinching.

How much does it cost?

So far, in straight up GRE application costs, I’ve spent: $160 to take the GRE (includes score reports to 3 schools), plus about $30 in study guides and flashcards. (Luckily, my scores were high enough that I don’t need to take the test again), about $50 in administrative/organizational costs – plastic bin for my notes, folders, pens, notepads, etc., and an additional $20 on guides to mfa programs and reference books (this includes $5 in library late fees). $160 + $30 + $50 +$20 = $260. The internet is a great source for information about programs, rankings, and advice on applications, too, so a lot of my prep materials have been free.

I’ve spent much more than that on workshops and instruction (which will improve my writing whether I get into a school or not): I’ve taken two Grub Street courses at $430 each, attended the Muse and the Marketplace for $310, and spent about $100 on writing guides and subscriptions to writing magazines. $430 + $430 + $310 + $100 = $1270. Ouch.

That means so far this year I’ve spent over $1500 on writing, even without taking into account the costs associated with internet, coffee, or copies. And I haven’t even started an application.

I have every reason to believe the second half of this year will cost even more. Because the acceptance rates are so low at these schools, I plan to apply to somewhere between 12-15 schools. For each school, I’ll pay an application fee between $50-$75, plus $23 for my GRE score report (except the 3 I already sent scores to), $18 for my alma mater to send my transcripts, and probably $15 in envelopes and postage when all is said and done. That’s $128 per school. Figure in printing/copying costs and I’m looking at $2000.

It’s stressful to think that I may spend all this money and still not be accepted. I’ve decided not to apply anywhere I wouldn’t be fully funded, so even my “safety” schools will have an acceptance rate of about 5%; that’s lower than Harvard Law School. I’m lucky to have a good job, and someone to split my living expenses with (and who supports my decision to undertake all this), but how would I ever manage if I didn’t?

It seems incredible to think of how many people are going through this same process, when I look at the expenses. I certainly hope it pays off.

Update from Down the Cape

Well I’m blogging once a week so far, so that’s better than my previous blog. Let’s see if I can keep it going.

This week we’re “down the Cape” on vacation. I have to admit, relaxing has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. There are so many tempting things to do, we have to make a real effort to NOT do. So far we’ve done a lot of driving, book shopping, and ice cream eating, but we have managed to spend a few hours reading or writing each day as well.

Like a lot of writers, I often fantasize about quitting my job, moving off into the woods and spending every day writing. Vacation is a good test of that ambition. Do I really want to spend my time writing books, or do I just want to buy books and eat ice cream? So far this week I’m all caught up on reading/commenting on classmate’s stories and just need to work on putting together something to send my writing group on Tuesday. I started a new story yesterday with a first line that I’d been carrying around in my head for a while – about a rich small town man obsessed with Weimeraner dogs. I plan to work on that more later today and to take another stab at the murderer love letter story I’ve been workshopping.

Next month the applications for schools will be available, so I had originally identified August for revising the stories in my writing sample. I actually feel pretty good about where my portfolio stands. The last few months of Grub Street classes have given me plenty of material to work with, and I have a much stronger understanding of the process of writing and revising than I did when I started out. For once in my life I’m not procrastinating, and it feels good.

Anyway, status update out of the way, here are a few of my favorite coffee shops and book stores on Cape Cod:

Coffee Shops:
The Daily Brew, Cataumet
http://www.thedailybrewcoffeehouse.com/

Coffee Obsession, Falmouth
http://www.coffeeobsession.com/

Bookstores:
Titcomb's Bookstore, Sandwich
http://site.booksite.com/7327/

The Inkwell Bookstore, Falmouth
http://www.inkwellbookstore.com/

Yellow Umbrella Books, Chatham
http://yellowumbrellabooks.net/index.htm

Where the Sidewalk Ends, Chatham
http://www.booksonthecape.com/